I've Been Hiding This Part of Myself for Years
NAPERVILLE - WHEATON - GLEN ELLYN - ELMHURST - GENEVA - ST. CHARLES - BARRINGTON - BARTLETT PHOTOGRAPHER
Hello my friend!
I hope you are safe after the storms that rolled through this week. Some of them were incredibly intense, and my heart goes out to those dealing with damage, fallen trees, power outages, or the cleanup left behind.
Here at Our Cozy Compound, we spent much of the week watching the radar and hoping for breaks in the weather. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other plans for us, forcing us to postpone our first senior model shoot of the year. We were fortunate to squeeze in a beautiful family session in Chicago on the one morning the skies decided to cooperate.
In between the rain showers, we also managed to sneak away for a trip to Brookfield Zoo with Delaney and Ellis. Watching the world through the eyes of a toddler is one of life's greatest gifts, and seeing his excitement over the animals (mostly the animatronic dinosaurs) was the perfect reminder that sometimes the best moments happen when you stop worrying about the weather and simply enjoy the day in front of you.
The rest of the week was spent squeezing in garden work, working behind the AP Studio scenes, trying a delicious new recipe that immediately earned a place in our dinner rotation, and embracing a slower rhythm than expected. Sometimes those unplanned pauses give us exactly what we need.
Soft Focus: Maybe Becoming Is Really Returning
I recently came across a quote by Max DePree that stopped me in my tracks:
"We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are."
I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
For most of my life—decades, really—I spent an awful lot of time worrying about what other people thought.
Not in a dramatic way. I wasn't pretending to be someone I wasn't. But I was constantly editing myself. Softening certain parts. Hiding others. Shifting just enough to fit comfortably into whatever room I happened to be standing in.
I think many of us do it without even realizing it.
We worry about looking foolish. We worry about being judged. We worry about not fitting neatly into the expectations others have for us.
I certainly did.
There were so many things I loved that I rarely shared.
My fine art.
My garden.
Cooking.
The renovations happening around our home.
The quiet little details that make up my days.
I worried people wouldn't understand them. Or worse, that they would judge them. That someone would think my art wasn't good enough, my garden wasn't perfect, my home wasn't the style that they preferred, or that I wasn't doing any of it quite right.
Even social media became an exercise in careful editing. Not just of photographs, but of myself.
Which is funny, because the person I was trying so hard to polish was never particularly trendy to begin with.
I've always loved jazz drifting through the house on a quiet afternoon. I've always reached for books that made me think instead of books everyone else was reading.
I've always been an old soul.
The kind who feels things deeply. Who notices beauty in ordinary places. Who can spend ten minutes admiring the way sunlight catches a flower petal or an hour listening to a story from someone else's life.
The problem wasn't that I didn't know who I was.
The problem was that I wasn't fully allowing her to be seen.
Somewhere along the way, something changed.
Maybe it was age.
Maybe it was finally understanding that the people who truly love me aren't asking me to be anyone other than myself.
Maybe it was being unconditionally loved by my family and friends.
Or maybe I simply grew tired of carrying expectations that didn't belong to me.
Whatever the reason, I slowly started letting go.
I started posting the art that moved me. Even sharing poems I had written myself.
That may not sound brave to some people, but for me it felt like stepping into the light.
Sharing the garden that brings me joy.
Talking about the books I was reading, the recipes I was making, and the projects happening around our home.
And then I launched this newsletter.
If I'm honest, that felt terrifying.
Photography had always been a safe place to hide. The images could do the talking.
This was different.
This was me.
My thoughts.
My stories.
The pieces of my heart that don't show up in a photograph.
I remember wondering what people would think.
Would they understand?
Would they judge me?
Would they think I had nothing worthwhile to say?
But something unexpected happened.
The more I shared, the freer I felt.
Each small act of authenticity made the next one easier.
A poem.
An essay.
A piece of art.
A glimpse into our life at home.
And with each one, I became a little less concerned with how it would be received and a little more concerned with whether it was true.
The opportunities that have come into my life over the last few years didn't happen because I became someone else.
They happened because I finally became more of myself.
More honest.
More authentic.
More willing to be seen.
These days, when I walk through the garden, write these essays, create my art, or share pieces of our life at Our Cozy Compound, I don't feel brave.
I feel relieved.
Relieved that I no longer spend so much energy trying to fit into places I was never meant to belong.
Relieved that the old soul I've carried around all these years finally gets to step into the light.
Because the truth is, she was always there.
Waiting behind the expectations.
Waiting behind the fear.
Waiting behind the carefully edited version of a life that looked acceptable from the outside.
And what I've discovered is that the life I was searching for wasn't waiting somewhere ahead of me.
It was waiting beneath all the things I needed to let go.
Maybe becoming isn't about changing after all.
Maybe it's about returning.
Returning to the person you've always been.
And finally giving her permission to stay.
WHAT I’M LOVING THIS WEEK
Inspiring Follow: @simplykacyb
This week’s inspiring follow is simply @simplykacyb.
You know when you stumble across an account and think, "I’ll just watch one video"… and then suddenly an entire evening has disappeared? That was me with Kacy’s account.
I somehow found myself watching all 38 of her cooking posts, and honestly, I wasn’t there just for the recipes. Yes, the food looks delicious, but there’s something else that keeps me coming back. Her videos feel calm in a way that is increasingly hard to find online. No rushing. No chaos. No trying too hard. Just beautiful food, a lovely home, and a gentle reminder that everyday life can be something worth savoring.
I left her page feeling inspired not only to try a few new recipes, but also to slow down a little, light a candle, put on some music, and enjoy the simple act of making dinner.
If your social media feed could use a little less noise and a little more peace, she’s definitely worth a follow.
What I’m Loving: Kids Wheelbarrow with Gardening Set
I may have found the cutest gardening gift ever.
When I saw this children's wheelbarrow and garden set, I knew it had my grandson's name written all over it. What I didn't expect was just how much he would love it.
These days you'll find him right beside me in the garden, filling his little wheelbarrow with weeds, hauling them to the compost pile, and taking his gardening responsibilities very seriously. In his mind, he's not pretending to help—he is helping.
And honestly, that's what I love most about it.
It gives him a way to be included in something I love so much. He gets to work alongside his Mimi, get his hands dirty, and feel like a big boy contributing to life here at Our Cozy Compound.
The wheelbarrow may be small, but the memories we're making with it are anything but
Local-ish: The Growing Place
If you've been reading this newsletter for any length of time, you know that gardening has become one of my favorite ways to spend an afternoon (or the rest of my life). And when it comes to garden centers, there is one place I have been returning to for decades: The Growing Place.
I've purchased countless perennials there over the years, along with many of the structural pieces that add personality and charm to our gardens here at Our Cozy Compound. But truthfully, some of my favorite visits don't involve buying anything at all.
The Growing Place is one of those rare places that invites you to slow down. The displays are beautiful, the grounds are thoughtfully designed, and every corner feels filled with inspiration. It's the kind of place where you can wander without an agenda, dream about future garden projects, and leave with a head full of ideas.
Whether you're an experienced gardener or simply someone who appreciates beautiful outdoor spaces, it's well worth a visit. And if you're anything like me, don't be surprised if you arrive needing one plant and leave with five.
25w471 Plank Road, Naperville
2000 Montgomery Road, Aurora
Roasted Tomato & Goat Cheese Flatbread with Pesto & Arugula
This Roasted Tomato, Goat Cheese & Arugula Flatbread was one of those recipes that immediately earned a permanent spot in our meal rotation. I made it for a quick dinner for Dan and me, and when Kyle and Nancy saw it, they were convinced it had come from a restaurant.
The combination of sweet roasted tomatoes, creamy goat cheese, peppery arugula, and pesto is light, fresh, and absolutely delicious. Best of all, it comes together quickly, making it perfect for busy weeknights or casual entertaining.
I discovered this recipe on Instagram from @chef_zouheir, and I'm so glad I did. Sometimes the best recipes are the ones simple enough to make on a weeknight but special enough to feel like a treat.
Serves 4
Ingredients
For the Flatbread
2 rectangular flatbreads or pre-baked pizza crusts
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 garlic clove, peeled and halved
For the Toppings
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
4 ounces goat cheese, crumbled
¼ cup basil pesto
2 cups fresh baby arugula
1 teaspoon balsamic glaze
¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes (optional)
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
Instructions
1. Roast the Tomatoes
Preheat your oven to 400°F.
Place the halved cherry tomatoes on a small baking sheet. Drizzle with a little olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Roast for 12–15 minutes, or until the tomatoes are blistered and beginning to burst.
2. Crisp the Flatbreads
While the tomatoes are roasting, place the flatbreads directly on the oven rack for 3–5 minutes to lightly crisp.
Remove from the oven and gently rub the cut side of the garlic clove over the warm surface of each flatbread.
3. Assemble
Spread a thin layer of basil pesto over each flatbread.
Top evenly with the roasted tomatoes and crumbled goat cheese.
Return the flatbreads to the oven for about 5 minutes, just until the goat cheese softens and the edges become golden.
4. Finish & Serve
Remove from the oven and immediately top with fresh arugula.
Drizzle with balsamic glaze and sprinkle with red pepper flakes, if desired.
Finish with a pinch of flaky salt and freshly cracked black pepper.
Slice and serve warm.
Alicia's Tip
If you're entertaining, cut the flatbreads into small squares and serve them on a wooden board. They make the perfect garden-party appetizer paired with a crisp glass of rosé and good conversation.
Studio Happenings
Last week I was fortunate enough to do something a little different in the studio—a food photography shoot for Premola Granola.
I've only done a handful of food photography shoots over the years, but every time I do one, I remember how much I enjoy it. It's equal parts photography, styling, and patience. What looks like a simple bowl of granola in a photograph often involves moving a spoon ten times, rearranging ingredients twenty times, and debating whether a single almond belongs an inch to the left.
Thankfully, Delaney was there to help style, and we had the best time creating these images together. We spent the day arranging ingredients, pouring granola, moving props around, and sampling more than our fair share along the way. One of the perks of food photography is that taste-testing is practically part of the job description.
I absolutely love the warm, earthy feel of the images we created. They're cozy, inviting, and perfectly reflect the handcrafted nature of Premola's products.
It's definitely more time-consuming than most people realize, but it was such a fun creative challenge. And honestly? Spending a day surrounded by beautiful food with my daughter isn't a bad way to spend a workday.
I can't wait to share more from this delicious project soon.
with love and light,
Alicia Staley Johnson
of Alicia’s Photography
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