Holding Expectations Loosely
NAPERVILLE - WHEATON - GLEN ELLYN - ELMHURST - GENEVA - ST. CHARLES - BARRINGTON - BARTLETT PHOTOGRAPHER
International Rose Test Garden in Portland, Oregon.
Happy Fourth of July weekend, friends! Buckle up…this is a long one!
This week has been filled with the kind of moments that leave you feeling both wonderfully exhausted and incredibly grateful.
We packed our bags and headed west to Oregon for our Class of 2027 Senior Model trip. What began as a photography adventure quickly became something even better—a chance to spend an entire week together as a family while exploring one of the most beautiful places we've ever visited.
As much as I looked forward to photographing the Oregon coast, I was just as excited to experience Oregon itself.
Dan and I managed to steal away for a little exploring of our own. He graciously indulged my flower obsession with not one..but two visits to Portland's International Rose Test Garden. I truly don't have enough words. The fragrance alone was enough to make me want to move in permanently. Every winding pathway revealed another breathtaking rose, another beautifully designed garden bed, another reminder that gardening is every bit as much an art form as photography.
We also wandered through Portland's Japanese Garden, which was every bit as peaceful and inspiring as I'd hoped. We stumbled upon the most stunning farm and nursery, overflowing with beautiful plants and flowers, and discovered an architectural salvage store unlike anything I've ever seen. I could have wandered those aisles for hours, imagining the stories behind every weathered door, vintage window, and timeworn treasure.
One afternoon, we took a family trip to Multnomah Falls. Standing before a 620-foot waterfall has a way of making you feel wonderfully small and wonderfully grateful all at once.
And because photographers are always thinking ahead, we gathered all ten of our family together one evening at Cannon Beach and checked our family Christmas card photo off the list. Honestly...when everyone you love is in the same place, you don't wait until December.
Oregon even tried to add a little excitement to the week when someone aggressively attempted to convince us to hand over our money—or at the very least buy them three tacos—in a fast-food drive-thru. Thankfully everyone was fine, nothing was taken, and we can officially say our biggest souvenir from the trip was a pretty good adrenaline rush.
As I looked back over the week during the flight home, I realized my favorite memories weren't necessarily the places we visited.
They were the moments in between.
The conversations in the car.
The laughter around the dinner table.
Watching our grandchildren discover something new (snakes and white spiders).
Sharing beautiful places with people we love.
It's funny how often we set out in search of extraordinary experiences, only to discover that what stays with us most are the ordinary moments we happened to share along the way.
And that realization became the inspiration for this week's essay...
A few snapshots from the week in Oregon.
Soft Focus: Holding Expectations Loosely
This week, our family flew to Oregon.
Officially, we were there for work. Our Class of 2027 Senior Model trip had us photographing along the beautiful Oregon coast, but Dan and I decided to turn it into something much bigger than that. We invited all three of our children, their spouses, and our grandsons to come along.
For the first time, all ten of us would spend an entire week together under one roof.
As the trip approached, I found myself thinking about expectations.
Years ago, I would have quietly written a script in my mind for how I expected the week to unfold: family dinners every night, long conversations over coffee, shared adventures, plenty of time together. Then, when reality inevitably looked different, I would have found myself focusing on all the moments that never happened.
Feeling disappointed.
Age has a funny way of teaching you better lessons.
This time, I chose something different.
I decided to hold my expectations loosely.
Not because I expected less from my family,
but because I wanted to be fully present for whatever the week became.
One of our children naturally includes us in almost everything they do. Another is much the same, always making sure Papa and Mimi are invited along for whatever adventure is unfolding.
Our relationship with our third has its own rhythm.
They naturally gravitate toward quieter moments with their wife, and I've come to appreciate that those moments are what fill their cup.
So, we only had a few moments with them during this trip.
Years ago, I might have quietly compared those relationships. I might have wondered why one looked different than another. I might have spent the week grieving what wasn't instead of appreciating what was.
But somewhere along the way, life taught me that comparison is rarely fair.
Love doesn't always look the same from one child to the next.
Every child gives from who they are, not from who we wish they would be.
Perspective changes everything.
Those few moments?
They were still a gift.
Because there are parents who would give anything for a few moments with their grown children.
Suddenly, that time felt abundant instead of scarce.
I've realized something over the years.
Our children are not ours to script.
They are ours to love.
When they're little, it's easy to imagine what your relationship will look like once they become adults. You picture holidays, vacations, phone calls, traditions, grandchildren, and all the ways you'll continue sharing life together.
But they get to write that story too.
They grow into people with lives of their own. They build careers, create families, discover new rhythms, and become exactly who they were meant to be.
One of the quietest lessons of parenthood is learning to love the story that unfolds instead of grieving the one we imagined.
Perhaps one of the greatest acts of love we can offer our children is accepting the relationship they are able to give instead of mourning the one we hoped for.
Acceptance isn't giving up.
It isn't loving less.
It's choosing gratitude over resentment.
It's recognizing the gift of the time we are given.
Instead of focusing on what wasn't, I found myself noticing everything that was.
The sound of my grandsons laughing through the house.
Morning coffee around the kitchen.
Watching my children tease one another the same way they did when they were young.
Seeing my husband become "Papa" to two little boys who absolutely adore him.
A week where everyone genuinely enjoyed being together.
There wasn't a single dramatic moment.
No profound family meeting.
No perfect Norman Rockwell dinners.
Just ordinary days filled with ordinary moments.
And perhaps that's exactly what made them extraordinary.
I've been thinking lately that gratitude isn't found by having more.
It's found by noticing more.
By releasing our grip on how we think life should look and opening our hands to the life that's already in front of us.
As our plane lifted off for home, I realized I wasn't carrying disappointment over the moments we didn't have.
I was carrying deep gratitude for the ones we did.
It turns out that holding our expectations loosely leaves our hands free to receive what was there all along.
*The full version of this essay can be read on my Our Cozy Compound substack
WHAT I’M LOVING THIS WEEK
Inspiring Follow: @postedfromparis
There are very few things that still feel like a true surprise these days.
We live in a world of instant notifications, next-day deliveries, and endless emails. So when I opened my mailbox and found a beautifully addressed envelope from Paris waiting for me, it felt like stepping back in time.
This month's Inspiring Follow is Posted from Paris, created by Abigail Burklin, an American living in Paris who left corporate life to pursue her passion for food, earning a Master's degree in Gastronomy from the University of Gastronomic Sciences in Italy. She now shares her love of seasonal French cooking and slower living through these thoughtfully curated monthly letters from Paris.
Once a month, she sends an envelope from Paris containing two seasonal French recipes, a thoughtful letter, and a small surprise inspired by the ingredient of the month.
But it's the presentation that completely won me over.
The envelope arrived addressed in elegant calligraphy, hand-stamped with beautiful strawberries in the corner, and sealed with an embossed PP monogram. Inside, delicate floral tissue wrapped everything together with a simple Merci sticker. Tucked inside were two nostalgic recipe cards, a beautifully written letter, and the sweetest bookmark featuring strawberries painted by Abigail's sister.
It wasn't just mail.
It was an experience.
The kind that reminds you how lovely it feels to receive something created with genuine care.
As someone who has always believed that food is about more than simply feeding ourselves, I love that each month's recipes are centered around what's naturally in season. Strawberries belong to June. Tomatoes belong to August. Chestnuts belong to autumn. It's a gentle reminder to slow down, cook with the seasons, and savor the fleeting moments each one offers.
I haven't had a chance to make my first recipes yet, but Salade Périgourdine à la vinaigrette de fraise and Tarte aux fraisesare on the menu for this week. I already know this little envelope from Paris is something I'll look forward to finding in my mailbox every month.
If this sounds as delightful to you as it does to me, I encourage you to subscribe and treat yourself—or someone you love—to a little piece of Paris delivered to your mailbox each month.
Sometimes the smallest rituals bring the greatest joy.
What I’m Loving: Wide Leg Linen Pants
You know those clothing purchases that completely surprise you?
I needed a pair of linen pants for our family photos in Oregon, and with only two days before we left, I didn't have time to wander from store to store. On a whim, we stopped at Old Navy...and I'm so glad we did.
I found their High-Waisted Wide-Leg Linen Pants, and they were exactly what I'd been looking for.
The wide-leg silhouette is so flattering and flowy, the linen blend drapes beautifully, and they were incredibly comfortable to wear. As someone who's navigating the joys of a menopausal body, I often find I have to shop at higher-end stores to find pants that fit well, so I was genuinely surprised by how much I loved these.
And here's the real miracle...the length was perfect!
If you're between regular and petite sizing like I am, you know that almost never happens. I usually have to hem every pair of pants I buy, but these were just right.
Needless to say, I did what any reasonable person would do...
I went back and bought them in every available color.
Local-ish: Cornell Farm & Cafe
I know...this week's Local-ish isn't local at all (unless you're one of my wonderful readers in the Pacific Northwest!).
But I simply had to share Cornell Farmin Portland because I absolutely fell in love with it.
The moment we pulled in, I looked at Dan and said, "Ohhh...this is my kind of place."
We wandered through every inch of the nursery, admiring the beautiful displays, dreaming about which plants we'd take home if we weren't flying back to Chicago. (Let's be honest...it's probably a good thing we were.)
And then we discovered there was a farm to table café. Seriously? A cafe at a garden nursery? It doesn’t get better than that!
Naturally, I ordered the rose latte. I mean...how could I not?
It was every bit as lovely as it sounds.
What I loved most about Cornell Farm is that it's so much more than a garden center. It's a fourth-generation family farm built around a genuine love of gardening and caring for the environment. Everywhere you look, you can feel the passion that's gone into creating such a beautiful place.
The entire time I kept thinking, Why don't we have something like this back home? I'd probably be there every week...wandering the greenhouses, convincing myself I had room for "just one more plant," and treating myself to a rose latte.
So, if you live near Portland—or find yourself visiting someday—promise me you'll stop by Cornell Farm.
And if anyone knows of a place like this in the Chicago area (bonus points if it has a cafe)...please tell me immediately!
8212 SW Barnes Road, Portland, OR
From My Kitchen
Blueberry Coconut Breakfast Bake
There's something so comforting about a breakfast that's ready to pull from the oven on a slow morning. This Blueberry Coconut Breakfast Bake is hearty, wholesome, and just sweet enough from the ripe banana and juicy blueberries. We love it warm with a cup of coffee in the garden, but it's just as delicious reheated throughout the week for those busy mornings when you still want something homemade.
Ingredients
2 cups unsweetened coconut flakes
¾ cup chopped walnuts
¼ cup chia seeds
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking powder (omit for Paleo or Whole30)
¼ teaspoon salt
3 large eggs
1 cup unsweetened almond milk (or your favorite unsweetened nut milk)
1 ripe banana, mashed
¼ cup coconut oil, melted
2 cups fresh blueberries
Instructions
Preheat your oven to 375°F and lightly grease an 8-inch square baking dish.
In a large bowl, combine the coconut flakes, walnuts, chia seeds, cinnamon, baking powder (if using), and salt.
In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs and almond milk. Stir in the mashed banana and melted coconut oil until well combined.
Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and stir until everything is evenly incorporated.
Gently fold in the blueberries.
Spread the mixture evenly into the prepared baking dish.
Bake for 40 minutes, or until the top is lightly golden and set.
Serve warm and enjoy!
A Cozy Tip: Leftovers keep beautifully in the refrigerator and reheat wonderfully, making this the perfect make-ahead breakfast for busy weekday mornings.
Studio Happenings
This week, Alicia's Photography packed up and headed west for our Class of 2027 Senior Model trip to Oregon!
Over several unforgettable days, we photographed at breathtaking Trillium Lake and iconic Cannon Beach. While Mt. Hood decided to stay hidden behind a blanket of clouds (maybe next time!), the soft overcast skies gave us the dreamiest light a photographer could ask for.
One of my favorite parts of these trips isn't just creating beautiful portraits—it's watching our senior models become genuine friends. By the end of the week, there was laughter in the van, encouragement during every session, and the kind of camaraderie that turns a group of teenagers into lifelong friends.
What always amazes me just as much, though, is watching the parents. They cheer for every single senior—not just their own—celebrating beautiful moments, lending a helping hand, and encouraging one another every step of the way. By the end of the trip, they, too, have formed friendships that I hope will last for years to come. It truly feels less like a photography program and more like a family.
None of it would be possible without an incredible team. Delaney worked her magic with hair, makeup, and styling, keeping everyone looking effortless despite long days, changing weather, and plenty of driving. Dan was our behind-the-scenes hero, navigating airports, mapping routes, hauling gear, keeping us on schedule, and making sure everyone arrived safely wherever the next adventure awaited. I couldn't do any of this without them.
I've included a few cellphone photos from behind-the-scenes in this week's newsletter so you can experience a little of the adventure with us. They capture the laughter, teamwork, breathtaking scenery, and all the moments that happen between the finished portraits.
And trust me...I cannot wait to share the final images with you. Oregon's quiet, ethereal beauty made for some of my favorite senior portraits we've ever created.
BTS cellphone pictures
with love and light,
Alicia Staley Johnson
of Alicia’s Photography
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